Cause and Effect

How do we get here?  We are the sandwich generation, some say.  So at the same time that I am teaching my three year how cause and effect works, I am also re-teaching my mother the same theory.  To the child it is simple.  Cause: Not putting your shoes on.  Effect: You can’t go outside to play.  To the older parent it is just about as complicated as string theory. 

Every Tuesday and Friday, my mother must report to the oncology clinic for either treatment or tests or appointments (or any combo of the three).  My mother needs someone to accompany her as it is a long drive and she doesn’t have the stamina or even wherewithal to make the drive alone.  As a matter of fact, she would probably get lost and end up in the ghetto even though she not only grew up but worked in the city for most of her adult life. 

My younger brother and I have split the responsibility in half.  I have Tuesdays and he has Fridays.  The first time he substituted his Friday with his wife, I should have expected that there would be trouble. You see, my mom will always put up a fight but seldom gets away with things when she is dealing with her children. (That’s what she gets for teaching us not to take any crap from anyone.)  Others feel bad for her and let her cheat.  And, let’s face it, cheaters never prosper.

Ok so, sister-in-law takes mom to clinic one Friday in my brother’s stead for labs and a checkup.  During this visit, my mother is told that her blood pressure is a little high.  My mother responds with, “Oh, I have blood pressure medication I can take.”  The nurse looks through her records and does not see any blood pressure medication.  My mother is referring to an old prescription, one that is pre-cancer and pre-oncologist.  The nurse asks my mom to not take the old prescription as it may not gel with the numerous cancer and prophylactic meds she is currently on.  Then the doctor comes to examine her and reiterates the same message, “Your pressure is a little high.”  My mom responds with the same, “I have blood pressure medication I can take.” The doctor asks her not to take the old medication.  On her way out of each appointment, the Oncologist’s Nurse Practitioner likes to see my mom to go over all of her instructions and upcoming appointments and treatments.  During this review, she reiterates that my mom’s pressure is a little high but she is NOT to take the old blood pressure medication. Once my sister-in-law dropped my mom off at home, she reported all of this to me over the phone.  I then called my mom and said, ”Whatever you do, don’t take that old blood pressure medication.”

That evening, I check on my mom and, what do I find?  … My mother laying on the couch looking like she got run over by a truck.  When I inquire what is wrong with her, she confesses that she indeed took the blood pressure medication because she was afraid of her pressure going too high.  All she had to do was…NOTHING!  Instead she took a medication that caused her blood pressure to go through the floor. 

As I was calling the clinic to inform them of what my mom had done, she excused herself to the bathroom.  Just as I am hanging up I her say from inside the bathroom, “I think I’m gonna” and before she can get the word faint out of her mouth she literally poured out of the bathroom and onto the hallway floor.  Lifeless, my mother is lying on the floor.  My toddler, who was with me for the visit, is stunned as I am yelling at my mom to answer me and as I am calling 911.

It is very fortuitous that my mother and I live on the same street so that my husband could come and get our pour boy but not after he had learned that mom-mom had peed her pants.  (Funny the things that resonate.)

Cause: taking a medication that she is told NOT to take

Effect: A ride in an ambulance, trip to the ER, missed work by myself and my brother for spending time at the ER with her late night, one broken wrist, additional trips to additional doctors for x-rays, a cast, follow-up x-rays, a little boy who is afraid that he might fall and pee his pants and break his hand (ok, I am sure he will get over that one soon), and not being able to write with that big-ass cast on her right hand.

At least I got to sign her cast with, “Dope” in big blue letters.